With all of the things that are wrong in Cinderella’s world, the Prince stands for the best life has to offer – the dream. In the days when women had few choices, the best life meant living a life of leisure and pleasure in the castle with the rest of the Royals. Cinderella wouldn’t very likely have the chance for any more of a life than she is already living. The Prince represents hope, not because he’s a man, but because he is Royalty. If we think about this logically, most fairytales seem to be more anti-male in the fact that common men could never achieve Royalty even by marrying a Princess. They were stuck with their lot in life. Cinderella at least has a ray of hope. A possibility that something better exists because as a woman she is able to marry “up” from her social rank.
Now, if you are dreaming of marrying into royalty, you may as well dream big. Why dream about being a duchess or a countess or a lady-in-waiting when there is an eligible princess-hood waiting around. Again, the only way to get there is to marry a prince. Cinderella isn’t looking to be “saved by a man.” She is looking for the best. The prince represents the best. Therefore, her dreams of the best are about marrying the prince.
Like Cinderella, we feel that we have no choice. We know someone who tried and failed. Maybe we tried something and failed. Maybe we even tried many things and failed at all of them. But at some point, those of us who have not achieved greatness (and weren’t born princesses) learned that we are helpless to reach that pinnacle. We have settled for dreaming about the best, but never expecting it for ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are not to blame. It is just the way things are. It is society’s fault, our mother’s fault, our father’s fault, our childhood’s fault, our patriarchal society’s fault, our male-dominated profession’s fault. It is beyond our control. We are helpless to change it. Therefore, we are safer to stay in the reality where we are and let our dreams be in our heads.
Life offers us many princes (dreams). Most of our Princes are not as obvious as Cinderella’s. Not to mix fairy tales, but most of our Princes are dressed as Frogs when we first encounter them. The job that will get us the experience we need to get ahead, the tremendous effort put into a project that ultimately gets scrapped, the times we put in 150% effort for not so much as a pat on the back are all potential princes disguised as frogs.
These “frogs” may be distasteful to us. Like the job is in an all male firm where you feel you get no respect. The job you applied for that you are a perfect fit for that goes to a younger, less experienced male. The scrapped project was for a client who never pays on time if at all. The extra hours put in to be better than the others just to find out you are competing against someone’s family member for recognition.
These experiences can be devastating. We can see them as proof that we are unworthy or that life just isn’t fair. Or, we can use them as a step closer to our goal. No fairytale ever sees the heroine introduced on page one to be given the prize on page two. There will always be struggles and antagonists along the way. But the victory comes from sticking to the vision, changing paths when necessary, fighting the good fight, and most importantly, never giving up.
In her learned helplessness, Cinderella has a lot of time to daydream. We imagine daydreaming to be a worthless activity. So, we don’t put stock in our daydreams. These dreams are just fantasies that we know will never come true. We may even speak of these dreams when we have a glimmer of hope that maybe dreams do come true. But we speak of them in a way that assures ourselves and those around us that we KNOW these are just silly fantasies that we never expect to fulfill. We then fulfill our own helplessness.
We are so lucky today that there are so many more options than poverty or royalty. We have to start somewhere, so why not start by dreaming big!